I fell asleep in your arms

Again, I fell asleep in your arms
I know I must have been dreaming
You are not here for me at all,
Sometimes I wish I never knew you.

Again, I kiss your soft lips goodnight
I wrap the sheet around me close
I am cold, and somehow feel your warmth
It wraps my like a warm blanket.

Again, I feel your hand intertwine with mine
I pull your arms around me
Curling up beside the warmth of your body
I remember the first day I ever saw you.

Again, I feel so alone, even though I dream of you
I feel like I cannot find peace
I miss you so much, so very much
Is love alive in you, it is in me.

Never again, will I ever love anyone the way that I have loved you all these years, as silent as they have been. I wish you would read this!!! God, I miss you!!! I miss you, I love you, I need you!

If you are reading this....yes, it is you I am talking to. I don't need a psychologist to tell me why I love you, or how, or what to do about it. I have to figure this out on my own. I have to love you my way. I cannot embarrass you or me, or make things worse, or feel stupid, or break your heart...

So then no sooner did I write my last blog entry and there you are...showing up for an entire week, I see you every day. I am not okay with this, as it really hurts me. I am hurt because I know I am living a lie. I am hurt, not because you hurt me, but because i led myself to believe that maybe you felt something back in return. Oh, how I was wrong in every way possible. I can see now that you are happy, I see you laughing a lot. You are playing with all the kids and it cracks me up to see you so playful. Unfortunately this makes me love you even more. It also makes reality very much that...reality!
I hate this!! I don't understand why I can feel this way about someone, I barely know. I know some things about you, but not enough to really pledge Love. It isn't enough to say why I love you. I do believe though in love at first sight. I remember just how it felt and it was instant. It was real.
The only problem is that I then believed somehow that you might feel something, anything, just a tinge towards me. I think now that I couldn't have been more wrong.
I wish I could tell you....
I could; but then what?
Nothing can be done about it.
Just a bunch more of heart-ache, embarrassment, and mixed emotions.
So if you read this, it's either because you stumbled upon it yourself, or I slipped you a piece of paper with the address on it while brave enough to do so, and you ventured to look it up.
If then, you do read this, I need to know. I need to know what it makes you think. What is your thought on what I have said. I can't help how I feel...just keep reading....don't stop reading....it's been years...years...

So, it has been a very long time since I have wrote anything in here. I haven't seen you for nearly 3 months. I'd like to say that I am over you, but I am not. I don't think I ever will be. If you walked into my vision at any moment, I do believe my heart would melt all over again. My thoughts would turn to mush and my heart would pound a thousand times louder than normal, I'd blush and feel overwhelmed with even just the sight of you. You have no idea what this does to me. I keep wondering if you read this that day I slipped up and sent the email with the address to this attached. I would like to think that you did, but then again, I am embarrassed if you did. It is better for you not to know. Then you won't think I am ridiculous. I know that I am. I have been doing a lot of different things to calm the muddled emotions that cloud up my head. Summer has been good to me in that respect. The longer I don't see you, the better. Maybe.