I saw you today...for the first time in a while...I couldn't make eye contact with you. I am sorry. I set myself up for a ton of hurt, pain, and embarrassment. I feel like a complete idiot around you now. I am fat, annoying, and a burden to everyone around me. Those beautiful crystal eyes of yours should never look into mine. I am incredibly sad. O my God, I miss you!
I can't stand this. I don't know that I can ever talk to you again. It's nothing you did, just everything I dreamed and let fail. I wish I knew if you ever read this. I don't think that you do...but I wish that someday, you would just happen upon it again. That you read it and be amazed with what you read and that you would take the time to find me and hold me.
Why am I so fucking comsumed you??
I hate me....I miss you...God, I hate that I miss you!