Your eyes

Today my eyes met your eyes, and I couldn't stand it. It made me shudder in pain. I can't stand this much longer. Maybe I can, but I feel I could break at any moment. I am tired. I am ready to tell you. But only when you are ready to hear. I think you may be getting the idea...I hope that you are anyway. I feel cold. i am getting cold. I could be melted in one instant though. Given the chance I could fall all over again. I said hello. But I wanted to say more, even though i ran off looking like I was on a mission and in a hurry. I did this because it hurts too much. I have fallen for a man that I cannot have and I am getting weak. I won't say anything because I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to be stupid. I am feeling stupid... this is all my fault, I have brought all of this stress upon myself and it is just plain stupid. but I wish I could just runall of it by you and and know how you feel...

I saw you today...for the first time in a while...I couldn't make eye contact with you. I am sorry. I set myself up for a ton of hurt, pain, and embarrassment. I feel like a complete idiot around you now. I am fat, annoying, and a burden to everyone around me. Those beautiful crystal eyes of yours should never look into mine. I am incredibly sad. O my God, I miss you!
I can't stand this. I don't know that I can ever talk to you again. It's nothing you did, just everything I dreamed and let fail. I wish I knew if you ever read this. I don't think that you do...but I wish that someday, you would just happen upon it again. That you read it and be amazed with what you read and that you would take the time to find me and hold me.
Why am I so fucking comsumed you??
I hate me....I miss you...God, I hate that I miss you!

It's raining outside today, and I miss him. I really miss him. I hope that he is happy wherever he is today. I really can't wait to just be able to see him again...even if it is just across the room. Why, God? Why do I miss him soo much?
These feelings are not fair. None of this seems fair. I just want to walk away and forget...but then again, I don't.