Today is election day. But for me that is not my greatest concern.
Today, I wish to live simply.
Today I feel like screaming. I feel like crying. I feel like using all the martial arts I know on someone, no, not something...someone. But someone who can dish it back and suck it up when struck. The anxiety I feel today is unbelievably great. And while I feel all of this at once, I say nothing. I just type. I write in this blog. It is the only thing I can afford to do at the moment. It is the only thing that I have time to escape to. I am watching my house become cluttered with everything! I want to live in a box. I want a one room apartment with a nice plush bed, a couch, a small t.v., a decent stereo system for blaring my music, and plenty of floor space, so I can dance and fight until my hearts content. I want distance. I want solitude. I want simplicity. And I want it all black and white. I want one glass wall. I want one lamp, one chair, one table, one dining set. I want one bottle of soap and shampoo in the shower. I want one bath towel. One pan, one skillet, and one baking dish. ONE. I want space. I want to be able to have white carpets. I want crisp white sheets. A white down comforter and black pillows. I want a PO Box and no mail at my house. No papers to clutter up my space. I do everything electronically anyway. So, of course I want that laptop(the one I dream of having some day!).
Life is way to complicated. And I just want to live deliberately and freely, simply and peacefully. It may sound lonely, but that is what I want right now, this very moment.
I want to find myself again. Although I sound selfish, I am just tired and done with being passive.
"To be simple is to be stupid, but to live simply is to understand."
3 comments:
I came across your blog by way of another... the theos project... which was by way of another... and I was struck with your awesome summary on the the election of O. My arguements exactly... any way I just had to see what else you had to say. I feel compelled to encourage you today. You sound a lot like me... and I'm telling you I can hear your pain and struggles. I know the day to day can seem so overwhelming but don't give into those defeating voices or that liar who whispers them.
Pull out the trash bag and haul some crap to the road, play a game with the kids, and laugh. God is in complete control... even when we aren't!
-Dawn at homeschoolblogger.com/homeschoolowls/
Thanks Dawn, for the encouragement. This is my purging blog. This is sometimes where I haul the mental garbage. As for the literal, I wish I had more hours in a day. I do most of my blogging late at night or a quick 5 minutes at lunch. My kids come first and so does my husband, but instead of getting frusterated at them, this is where I "puke" it all out. It helps me sleep, and helps tomorrow's attitude to be better. If that makes any sense.
Completely understand... keep purging it is good for the soul! For some reason I just felt compelled to encourage you yesterday... I think you do a great job of listening and then replying on the other political/theological blog. Peeked in again on that page and the comments and have to walk away... I have way too much of a hot head on issues i feel strongly about. I just have to surrender those arguements to Christ and walk in obedience to Him. But someone is called to go there... may He give you the wisdom and the words...
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