Thoughts of you after moments I missed...

I can't ever say what is always at the tip of my tongue... between there and exit of my lips lies all the truth in the world. The truth that I was, I am, and I will always be completely, whole-heartedly, madly, deeply, and unabashedly IN love with you.

If I never get to tell you... I am sorry.  It is the one voice I am scared to share.

Be Brave-- I tell myself... but the risk... may be too great.

Nothing prepares me for these emotions...
At the end of the day, I am still thinking about you.
I am still thinking of you the moment I wake.
I swear I dream about you, but more than half the time I don't remember all of my dreams.
There is no doubt in my mind that I am still in love with you.
I have for years, at least 10, stuffed my feelings here inside a blog, down in the deep, dark somewhere.
You haven't done anything special, you haven't been anything but professionally yourself.
I see glimpses of a relaxed you, a funny side, a less stressed side.  You are so reserved.  You are on a mission whenever I am around...
But lately, I keep seeing glimpses of the real you, the deep down you, the you that yearns for connection.
I promise you, it is there.
All my fears flood in... at once.
I feel like I am reading the greatest mystery novel ever known to mankind.  The one where you think you have solved the age old mystery, but the punch line, the enigma still stands there staring me boldly in the eyes.
I can't tell if there is anything there... there is so much chaos in between. 
I feel like the first day I started blogging... hopelessly head-over-heels in love, with no voice, and scared to death you couldn't care less...
The other night I lay awake for hours considering the risk it would be to tell you-
I could tell you, spill my heart out to you and hear the following:
I had no idea you felt that way...
Oh gosh, I don't know if I came across a certain way, but I don't feel that way...
That's nice..you're so sweet...
I'm not sure what to say...
I'm married...
Me too..
Silence.

Either way... it's risky...
And to each of those, I could reply:
I've been silent for SO incredibly long.
I know....
I'm married too.
I've known WHAT to say, but couldn't for SO long...
You are seriously the kindest soul I have EVER met...
I have never wanted to come across that way, tried to maintain a professional tone, always!
I have no idea how you feel...but here is my heart... all of it...every. single. ounce.

It's risky because at this point there is nothing we can do...even if you actually felt something for me...nothing can be done about it.  We are living in two different worlds, lives, heck- realms!
But it amazes me that those worlds keep tangling together ever so often... like every blue moon.
Still there is nothing we can do... morally right.

So, I will stay here in silence a while longer... maybe forever... and not say one word about how I feel. Not one word about how I love you completely, totally, and cannot breathe sometimes at the thought of how much I feel for you.

I am risking being found guilty of loving another... but someday I pray I can surrender my heart.

I am Jealous

It never fails...
There is always something to remind me of how I once felt...
How I know I still feel...But will never say.
I am Jealous... and I am not the jealous type, but I resign myself to jealousy when it comes to you.
This song depicts my emotions completely.

Click here to hear: Labrinth Jealous


I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind
'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love
'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day, yeah
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
I-I-It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

• Category

  • Music

• Song

  • Jealous

• Artist

  • Labrinth

• Licensed to YouTube by

  • SME (on behalf of Syco Music); CMRRA, EMI Music Publishing, Audiam (Publishing), ASCAP, SOLAR Music Rights Management, and 24 Music Rights Societies

My Heart... Be Still.

Listen here for: Come Up for Air

Come Up for Air

Skylar Grey

I'm no good for you
I'm not what you need
You've made it very clear
Though I disagree

Enough to let you go
To let you drift away
'Cause once you navigate these troubled waters
I believe that someday you'll return

And I will still be here
When you come up for air
Do you what you gotta do
I'll wait for you, to come for air

'Cause this whole wide world
There's no one else for me
So while you search the seas for answers
I will still be waiting here

Make sure you dive down deep
Because if you do
Even though it takes a thousand lifetimes
My love, I know you're finally gonna see the truth, and you'll return

And I will still be here
When you come up for air
Do you what you gotta do
I'll wait for you, to come for air

And even if this really is the end
I'm sure I'll be alone until I'm dead
'Cause no one else will ever quite compare
To them, it wouldn't be fair

To let you with somebody new
And all I did was think of you
If you're my Jack then I'm your Rose
And I promise I'll never ever let go

And I'll still be here
When you come up for air
Do you what you gotta do
I'll wait for you, to come for air

To come up for air
Come up for air
Come up for air
To come up for air

To come up for air
Come up for air
Come up for air
To come up for air

Songwriters: Holly Hafermann / Marshall Mathers / Luis Resto

Come Up for Air lyrics © ME Gusta Music