7 years of silence

I've gone through and read all of these old posts.  Some sound so immature.  Some desperate.  However, there is one key note in them all.  Pain.

For seven years, I've been "silent".  Silently journaling the strength of my emotions.  I've been discreetly trying to recover from what I often thought was just a false infatuation.  I have denied to myself and to others that the feelings where just imagined.  They were just thoughts of how things might have been or possibly could be.  A dream. A false reality.

The pain that I felt is still relevant today.  I have felt used.  I have felt unnoticed.  I have felt suppressed in so many different ways.  I have dealt with depression and anxiety.  This road has been ugly, uncomfortable, and extremely difficult.

I have resigned so many times the emotions stirring within me.  It hurts beyond words.  I have chosen to be content with what I have.  However, that choice comes with a price.

I am still so full of love, so much my heart could burst! It consumes me.  The love I have for you never went away. I have silenced my heart, but my soul knows what it feels.

Will I ever be able to tell you?