That your heart has swum for so long...

The lyrics are both beautiful in French and English... Oh my heart....

http://youtu.be/O6IzUj5dbiQ

This sums up sooo much...

http://youtu.be/kLfjhSmvFjM

Thinking of you today.

7 years of silence

I've gone through and read all of these old posts.  Some sound so immature.  Some desperate.  However, there is one key note in them all.  Pain.

For seven years, I've been "silent".  Silently journaling the strength of my emotions.  I've been discreetly trying to recover from what I often thought was just a false infatuation.  I have denied to myself and to others that the feelings where just imagined.  They were just thoughts of how things might have been or possibly could be.  A dream. A false reality.

The pain that I felt is still relevant today.  I have felt used.  I have felt unnoticed.  I have felt suppressed in so many different ways.  I have dealt with depression and anxiety.  This road has been ugly, uncomfortable, and extremely difficult.

I have resigned so many times the emotions stirring within me.  It hurts beyond words.  I have chosen to be content with what I have.  However, that choice comes with a price.

I am still so full of love, so much my heart could burst! It consumes me.  The love I have for you never went away. I have silenced my heart, but my soul knows what it feels.

Will I ever be able to tell you?

So this came across my Facebook feed this afternoon. I'm not sure what to make of it. Does love die? I wonder. Are there different levels of love? Comfort. Compassion. Appreciation. Admiration. Lust. Contentment. Tolerance. I think there are. How does a love like that mentioned in the article stay put? How does it stay kindled? I can tell you how the fire dies. But not sure how to rekindle it the same way it was before. Not sure how to make it stay.

http://simplereminders.com/quotes/fall-love-fall-love-wake-day.html

Juney Bug

I must've had June bug fever. Just like them, popping out of nowhere, you did also. They make their sound every year. Buzzing against homesteads, screens, and drawn to light. They are a staple. It isn't June without them. It isn't summer. When you least expect it, June arrives, surprisingly; quickly. I'm not me without you. Their wings flutter, to the beat of natures song. Just as my heart does the moment you catch my eye. Just like the arrival June bugs and summers heat, what I hate most, your arrivals sweeps me into a whirlwind, measuring the pros and cons. You're here. But that doesn't mean anything. It means nothing but heated emotions of despair and anxiety. My heart swells, suffocated. All the emotions fall back into place and my soul feels uneasy. I missed you. But it got easier. Like an old friend, June bugs return. You have returned. All I want to do is cry. It's not fair. None of this fair. Even though I never told you, and denied it several times... The love, it's still there.