Our moments of inspiration are not lost though we have no particular poem to show for them; for those experiences have left an indelible impression, and we are ever and anon reminded of them. ~ Henry David Thoreau


Where does it all come from? The inspirations for which I write, they have a reason. I am not limited here to say only certain things. I am inspired to say what I think here. I feel freedom at it's best here. This place is supposed to be safe. And even if your not the most fluent writer, I encourage anyone to have a blog. You do not have sign in as you under your real name and no one particular person has to know that it exists. There are people that may come accross it from time to time, chances are they don't know you. But you may inspire them. I have actually had a few comments from people that I don't even know. They read this and think, "Oh my God, I can relate". This is for them, for you and for me especially.

It is important to have an outlet. It is crucial to have a place where no one judges you for feeling human. Even if it is just one sentence a day or a small paragraph, write it out. There is a writer in all of us. Some just sound more fluent than others. Some, they just sound like regular people voicing thier opinion. Either way, you will feel better.

For me, describing the pain I feel inside is always so vague. I let you know that it's there and I hint at some of the reasons why. But I consequently have not purged it out in full color. I am sometimes embarrassed to think of even doing so. I am in love with no one. I thought a month or so ago, I was. But like everything else in my life it is not so. I love my husband, I would defend him to the death. But I am not in love with him. I don't know that I have ever been. I have no idea what love is. I was never shown Love as a child... I have always been judged.

I see things from a different perspective always. And that has always brewed trouble. I have always tried to find the good in even the difficult of people. And people who cross me soon again become friends. I am forgiving eventually. This is definately a fault of mine. While it is a good thing to forgive, it is basically the recipe for a door mat. I never hold the other person accountable.

I feel like I am lost. Like I am just wondering around with no true friend, no reason to live. I live for my children, they are great part of me. As some people do though, and pour thier entire lives into them, I am not designed that way. I do everything for them, yes. But I teach them independence. I teach them perserverence, and how to get back up when they fall down. I kiss them and send them on thier way. I don't pamper thier every beckoning and sometimes I feel bad about that. But other than that I am losing the will to do anything. I feel like my purpose is gone. I am not a normal woman. Not in the least. Or maybe I am. I have no idea.

The only inspirations I have anymore are love lost...I can't figure out exactly why I can't shake that feeling. I know what causes it. But I am still trying to fill a void in my heart. I am falling....completely, totally, desperately, willing falling. And I don't seem to care much anymore. I just wish that it was understood by the ones I needed most. They have no idea who I am. Only you in blogger world can relate. Only you who are slow to judge and look at the whole picture. I am tired. So tired of trying. Losing doesn't seem so bad anymore....