Midnight Moon

A silent voice is what I heard.
It knew my name, it knew my whole name.
In the dark, I heard it call me. In the quiet stillness of the midnight moon, it drew me in. I fell deep into the restful, silent sound. Nothing ever sounded so sweet. I wiped the tear from cheek. I wasn't sure whether it was happiness, or if it was sadness that came over me. While I felt at peace, I wasn't sure.

When the voice said my name, it was clearer than anything before. A silent ringing in my ears. My eyes had been closed. I then heard my full name, as if it were being spelled out to me. My eyes were wide open. I almost sat up. But I couldn't.
I was frozen in my position. Maybe I was tired. But I think it was more than that. Like something was holding me down. I could only look up and out the pane of glass at the bright, white moon.

I kept hearing the silence of my name. Over and over again, as if it was drawing closer to me. But maybe I was afraid. Maybe I was terrified to move, to see if anything but the moon was there. And all at once I sat up with some release of overwhelming strength, almost like I was pushed. I stared forward for just a moment.
Then slowly, almost reluctantly, I forced myself to look outside the window beside me. I looked down to the ground. And there I saw his silhouette, standing in the snow.

His hands in his pockets, his head looking down at the covered, white earth below. And like a moon beam shining on him, I saw his head slowly turn up. As he did, his silent voice said my name once again. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't.
My heart was beating to fast; so fast I could hear it in my head and feel it in my throat.

His gaze met mine. And it only took a moment for me to see the sparkle of the moon in his dark eyes. For a brief second, I thought I felt terrified. I couldn't move once again. Like he had me locked into his sight. It nearly felt like he was beside me. He took his hands from his pockets. And reached his arms out from his body. He lifted his palms to the heavens. And I heard him silently whisper it again. I saw nothing but a black form, until that moment. Then I saw small red drops slowly drip from his hands to the white snow beneath him. Around his head started to form beads of red drops, forming a crown. It started to stream down his cheeks. And I saw crystal tears streaming from his eyes. He closed his eyes, and looked up to the skies. The moon shone brighter than ever at that moment. He said my full name again, and then with one last breath, he said "I did this for you".

In an instant it was all gone. Like I had blinked my eyes and it all disappeared. But the image was still engraved in my eyes, my mind, and my soul.
I fell backward onto the white sheets, my eyes closing as I fell. As I wiped the tears from my cheek, I realized I was happy and sad all at once. I felt at peace that he did it for me, but that it cost him pain and suffering, and even his life. But I remembered his arms outstretched. And just like my grandpa used to tell me, I could hear the silent voice speak to me again, and He said, "Yes, I love you that much."

In peace I rested, no longer afraid. I was content to find solace, under the quiet stillness of the midnight moon.

Focus on the pieces of Peace

I am inspired to reminisce in the moments of peace that I find in my life. The moments where I see my children sleeping and they look so angelic. It's when I stroke the hair away from my daughters cheek and tuck it behind her ear and she looks like a sleeping porcelain china doll. The times I rub my sons back and sing "Hush Little Baby" to him until he sleeps. It is peaceful and it is quiet. I used to rock and sing Olivia to sleep years ago and sit a while longer, holding her praying to God. I realized how much I loved those little ones. Also, during this time, I was in love with God and we were close. I was at peace. I would never have thought that could change. But it is lost and and I am on the journey to find it. I know where it is, but I scared to reach out grab it. Peace is just a moment away. But I am terrified to rest in it. That sounds like an oxymoron. But it is the truth. My children need me to find this peace. They are falling apart as well as I. I am challenged to find this within only a few days time. The remedy to a successful marriage and calm, compliant family life is for me to focus on the pieces of peace I find in my life. The kisses, the hugs, the laughter, the smiles, the joy, and the heart of my life. It is written in God's word that the pure in heart see God, and the peacemakers are called the sons of God. It also states that those who hunger for his righteousness shall be filled. Matthew 5:3-11 is a promise that I intend to hold close to my heart. Most people know it as the passage of beatitudes.
The thing is that God has never left me and He is still in love with me. But I have grown lax and fallen out of deepest love for him, because I have been selfish and I am wasting his precious time. It's time to fall in love with Him again. And everything else will fall into place. Psalm 119:9-11 says "How can a person cleanse his way? By taking heed to Your word, with my whole heart I have sought you, let me not wander from your commandments, your word I hide in my heart, that I might not sin against you". Psalm 139 tells me how much he knows me: "You are acquainted with all my ways". Psalm 71:5 says "For you are my hope, O Lord God; You are my trust from my youth." In the next passage, we receive a promise: Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

It is now the time to find him, to rest in his peace, his strength. To focus on the peace that he give us. It is the challenge to seek Him. It is time to fall in love all over again.