Something to ponder

So, as I sit in Starbucks this evening, reading and listening to my mp3, muti-tasking at my best, I was also thinking....yes, dangerously thinking.
As a woman, I am considered to be of fairer sex and expected to play such a role. I am to be the helper, the wife, the mother. These three titles carry more weight than it sounds. I will explain:
First, the mother: While easy as it can sound this title, is not just the 'mommy' that kissess and patches up boo boos and makes hot cocoa on cold winter days after she has bundled her little ones up for the fifth time, because something got to cold, or something itches, or the two potty breaks, or something got to sweaty...it's not just the meals that you make fun, the pretend picnics in the living room on rainy days, or the wild crazy dancing to kid songs when dad's not home to see how ridiculous mom can really be... Rather, it's the undying love, the unconditional love that exists only in a woman who has a child to call her own. It is the warm embrace after a really long, hard, frustrating day. It is the "I love you, no matter what!" moments and the cupcake icing kisses with extra slobber. And, incidentally, it is when they piss you off so badly, and all you want to do is scream, and pull out the last few greying hairs you have(even though you have coloured them numerous times, and have no idea how many you honestly have for sure!) Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done, but the easiest thing to love doing.
Second, the wife: This is a job. Or at least, I believe it is. In talking with friends and co-workers, I have found that woman are expected to fill this role as if we were scullery maids running around a household, catering to our beloved man's every need. And doing it all the while with a smile...can I just sing"badabadba, I'm lovin' it" for you? Seriously, who signs up for this job? Every woman who has ever signed a marriage license! Ok, so don't get me wrong, being married has it's perks, and while most woman would rather not have them from the mid 20's to the 40's, I personally love the perks. But I really hate the men that expect it from their wives as if it were a wifely duty...and if you haven't figured out what I am talking about, look the word sex up in Webster's...yeah, it's one of those definitions. My husband, treats it differently than a wifely duty, but that is another blog...trust me. It's not easy being a wife, keeping up with the poster cover wives and stepford wives. Making everything look like a piece of cake and keeping that man as happy as boy in a Wrigley Field!
Third, the helper: Ok...seriously, this is Betty Crocker and Mrs. Smith's rolled into one. I cannot tell you how hard it is to keep up with laundry, the dishes, the cooking, the cleaning, the job outside the home(or jobs in my case). Thank God for Betty and Mrs. Smith. What would I do without them?? Lose my friggin' mind for sure! We are supposed to help our men and children with homework and finances and such.
Now, I am done with what sounds like bitching...although, that is really just a list of one days work...
Tell me, now, how am I the fairer sex?
Personally, I know that I can be, not willingly, but I can be.
But while I am conquering the world with my three titles, I am LOST!
Where have I slipped away to? What about me?? OK, sounds selfish...
But very true...
I have no idea who I am anymore...because I created someone else.
Maybe that doesn't make any sense. I mean, I get the whole "you made your bed, now you have to lie in it" theory. But seriously, I never signed up for anything knowing that it meant I had to sacrifice my heart, my mind, my body, and even perhaps, my soul.
That in itself was a selfless act.
Now I am getting to the point where I will lose myself completely, if I don't take a few steps back and concentrate on what's eating me up inside.
I am choking to death on the words that I can't spill out. And I am suffocating myself to keep the peace.
I have wounds that are still bleeding deep inside, and scars that prove I may be fair, but am I strong.
I sympathize with Eve...she had the weight of the world on her shoulder in that one moment. And she left it all behind, for what? A taste of something forbidden....hmmm???