Again I dreamt of you. I have to admit that it has been a while now though. You have not been around. I have not forgotten you. But it is easier to not have you here. I am not at peace though. Ever since you told me that you were getting married, I have shut down. I am beginning to realize it more and more. I was alive when I had hope. Now that there is none...I am feeling so alone. So dead. I struggle to breathe again. I struggle to stay afloat. I used to have you to look forward to seeing even for a moment. Now, there is not even that. I often wonder how happy you are. I wish for nothing more than your happiness...but also wish I could shake my own dispair. How did I get here? How did I lose sight of my life? How did I miss my calling so long ago, that I could possibly be still soooo hung up on you? Not that you aren't a good thing to be hung up on. But, I need a diversion. I need to find peace again.
You might think that I should peace in God. While this is true, I am so very human. There is still that feeling inside my gut. That nagging feeling that won't go away. I miss you so much. Too much.
I will never stop loving you. Ever.