A New Heart

If I could have one wish today it would be that I had a new heart. I do not have a physical heart conditional but an emotional one. I am tied and twisted up in troubled viens of deceit and lust. I am selfish, proud, and everything my mother warned me that I would be. I want what I can't have. I may know my limits most of the time, and I step back to leave the desires of my heart alone, it's killing me. My viens are suffocating. They are on the verge of not pumping the correct amount of blood to my heart and causing a heart attack. I can barely breathe on rainy days. I miss the desires of my heart on snow fallen days, cold days, and dark days. I miss the wind in my hair and the sun on his face. If I could just lie next to him and fall asleep and wake up with a new healed heart that had no desire to hold him so close to it, I would die for it. Can I wake up from this coma that I am in, please?? I am trapped inside my own mind, body, and heart. It will not stay this way, I will explode. I will make a fool of myself, or hurt something, or someone elses heart....
This is killing me softly....for now.
I love him, everyday, more and more.
If I could have one wish today it would be to receive a new heart that feels nothing for you.

Like it was through a window I could see you.
When you leaned over I could see your face.
When you were not looking at me, I gazed in your direction.
When your eyes wondered, I wondered if they found me gazing...
So I looked down, and away, and covered my face with hair.
When we left the room, I would glance to make sure I was ahead of you.
When you left, I made sure that I didn't turn to see you walking towards the door, but I watched you walk away.
I wonder when this will stop.
I wonder when I will get over you, get over it, whatever this is.
my heart sinks every day and I am tired, I miss you

I miss you, even today...the rain is coming in, and it's cold...and I miss you.

Wish that I could tell you this, but you don't even know.

Time can heal a broken heart, but only love can heal a broken soul....